Secession, Shout-outs, and Ron Paul Shiznit

So yesterday Ron Paul delivered what’s probably his farewell speech to Congress on the House floor.  Did he really just call 400+ Representatives “psychopathic authoritarians” to their faces?  Why, yes, yes he did.  I see the election is over and Congressman Paul doesn’t need to behave himself either.  Bravo, Congressman, bravo.  Golf clap for Ron.

Honestly, I’m going to miss having that man fighting for all our rights in Washington.  Words simply are inadequate when it comes to finding a way to describe his accomplishments and the impact he made on my own life.  I’m especially touched by his opposition to SOPA and PIPA.  After all, had I not been illegally downloading audio books in January of 2009, I never would have stumbled upon The Revolution: A Manifesto and I probably wouldn’t be on the right side of history.

Now that Ron Paul is officially retiring from Congress I find myself crying like a fifteen-year-old girl who’s suddenly come to the brutal realization that Twilight is over, there will be no more books or movies, and Jacob will die alone.

Jacob will die alone.

But wait, there’s hope on the horizon!  There are hundreds of thousands of voters now sympathetic to libertarian ideas, tens of thousands of newly inspired activists carrying on the Ron Paul revolution, and the very real possibility that Rand Paul will be our figurehead and candidate in 2016!  [Angel choirs are singing.]  Okay, I’m not sad anymore.

Next, I’d like to put on blast all my fellow Ron Paul supporters who actually still believe in these secession petitions.  Unless you’re an authentic Southern nationalist, you’re probably just a whiny Republican or a militant-beyond-reality libertarian.  This protest is useless, Obama will not hear you out, and filing the petitions on WhiteHouse.gov gives them no more legitimacy than a police report that cites the witness seeing flying saucers before the crime took place.  The President’s answer to the petitions will be: “No. See 1865.”

The only way to enact change in government is by gathering a large mob of angry voters and protesting at the offices of elected officials one month before a primary election.

If you still have faith that these petitions will enact change, prepare to be more disappointed than the militant LP members who thought Gary Johnson would actually win!

Are you mad at me now?  Good.  You’re probably all conspiratarians anyway…  Seriously though, like Ron Paul, I have much love and respect for Gary Johnson.  What do they have in common?  Three main things:

·         A correct and inspiring philosophy of liberty and rugged individualism

·         A mountain of accomplishments that dwarf those of most human beings

·         Thousands of obnoxious conspiratarian supporters who thoroughly love wasting time on sign bombs and annoying the living hell out of me (and probably the rest of the planet).

On that note, I would like to personally thank you for making the campaign trail even rougher for those of us who were actually winning real votes for Ron Paul.  We sustained enough damage from the Republican establishment without you guys delivering your Bilderberger speeches and handing out your 9/11 truth DVD-Rs.  Is it still libertarian enough if I can convince you to voluntarily commit yourselves into private mental hospitals instead of having the government sending you to public ones?  I sure hope so :)

A very clean, Hollywood representation of a conspiratarian

Conspiratarians, even if you have facts and hard evidence to back your kooky claims, you can’t shock-and-awe people with the truth.  You can’t shove truth down their throats and expect anything other than the gag reflex.  You have to spoon-feed the truth to people and even make it sound good so they want more of it.  Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…

Finally, I’d like to throw a major shout out to the folks at Ron Paul Problems and (the less funny or cared about) Objectivist Problems for being libertarians with a freaking sense of humor and an actual grip on bridge building, implementing our ideas into public policy, and reality itself.  Much love, mi gente!

I thought I’d take a break from politics after the election but now I realize it’d be counterproductive to the effort Ron Paul put in setting things in motion for the liberty movement.  At this point, I can’t wait ‘til December 2015 so we can all head over to Iowa and caucus for Rand Paul.

May the Force be with you.

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Ron Paul painting courtesy of Prison Planet. No known image owner.
Taylor Lautner photo by Eva Rinaldi and used via CC BY-SA 2.0 license.
Conspiratarian GIF courtesy of Ron Paul Problems.

I totally missed last night's episode of South Park and now I have to wait before it'll be available online.  I hate everyone.