Insights on Creepertarians

One of the increasingly learned-of and identifiable trends within the liberty movement can be classified as a very distinct sub-group: creepertarians.   Like their non-creepertarian contemporaries in the liberty movement, these fellows heavily subscribe to libertarian ideas and have quite often proven themselves to be able and willing volunteers for activism.  Yet they also serve as detractors for the movement.  Ron Paul Problems describes these fellows in social scientific terms:

creep-er-tar-ian [Noun].  A subset of individuals found in the American ‘liberty movement’. Usually male, though this is not always the case. A creepertarian is any socially awkward person in the movement that shows traits of an internet stalker.

Found in excess on Facebook…  Up to 80% of libertarian males show at least latent signs of creepertarianism — excessive liking of Facebook content, or ‘hovering’ while in public. Hovering creepertarians are unlikely to actually make any verbal contribution to the conversations which they are standing in proximity of— but they’ll stare enthusiastically, and breath heavily. Some also avoid eye contact. They may recount their observations to you later, over a Facebook private message.

RPP also describes a rarer species of female creepertarians but, since they only creep on libertarian celebrities and not regular people, no one cares.  Here are two plain-and-simple ways that creepertarians cause damage to the liberty movement:

1)   They creep on attractive libertarian women volunteers, thus causing said women to become creeped out, stop showing up to volunteer, and in effect cause half the guys to stop volunteering as well since they can no longer wake up in the morning expecting to hit on a real live girl at the YAL meeting or the campaign office.  The harmony/sexual harassment homeostasis is ruined.

2)  Even worse, they go out to do real activism and creep on potential converts (current non-libertarian women), thus thoroughly creeping them out, irreparably scarring them for life, and forever alienating them from the liberty movement.  Said women will then proceed to inform everyone they know that libertarians and “Paulbots” are not only phenomenally rude and obnoxious on Facebook, but also very likely sex offenders.

If any gentleman (and I use the term liberally) reading this be a creepertarian, or suspect himself of having creepertarian tendencies, I have the following advice: STOP BEING A CREEPER!!!  Seriously, don’t stalk and don’t hover.  Limit yourself to only one private message per week.  Don’t try to mix activism with dating; you can date a fellow activist but leave all the flirting and the PDAs for personal time.  Don’t dip your pen in company ink, or as one of my NCOs used to say, “Don’t shit where you eat.”  It’s that simple.

"How many times do I have to say it? STOP creeping!" --Rand

If the women you’re creeping on—or multiple women, since you probably have low standards—is already a genuine friend of yours and you suspect you’re stuck in the “Friend Zone,” see a self-help article I wrote a while ago titled “Get Out of the Friend Zone!”.  However, if there’s a chance she’s not really your friend but just tolerating you for the good of the campaign or the YAL/SFL chapter, just give up and walk away.  Sure, you may think that’s impossible because you’re in love and blah-blah-blah, but think about it this way: Your creeping and alienation of women both within and without the liberty movement will COST votes for Rand’s 2016 presidential run.

Should it ever occur that Rand lost a state primary or caucus by just a few votes in one precinct, and that precinct happened to have a creepertarian a-creeping in abundance, I shall slay thee in a manner like unto the Samurai of old.

Are you still in denial?  Let’s take the opportunity to clear something up.  See if you (or anyone you know) fit any the following:

·   If you’ve ever been deleted and/or blocked on Facebook/Twitter by a woman you’ve met through the liberty movement, you might be a creepertarian.

·      If more than once some guy has had to tell you at a Ron Paul-related event, “Dude, that’s my girlfriend/wife,” you might be a creepertarian.

·      If you weren’t invited to go to the bar with her group after a political event yet you just happen to be at that bar and near her table, you might be a creepertarian.

·      If a YAL/SFL/YFP officer has ever told you “Just because you’re into Ron Paul and she’s into Ron Paul does not mean she’s into you,” you might be a creepertarian.

·     If she happens to be a new libertarian or simply a conservative who likes the Pauls but you’re convinced that you and only you can convert her to anarcho-capitalism, you might be a creepertarian.

·     If you wear blazers and bow-ties that make you look like you jumped out of the year 1911 and are not a published author from LI or the Mises Institute, you might be a creepertarian.

·   If you’ve ever begun a sentence with “I’m looking for my Carol Paul…” you might be a creepertarian.

·   If you’ve ever resembled the butt of a joke on Ron Paul Problems, you might be a creepertarian.

Gentlemen, if you think you might be a creepertarian and seriously want to reform yourself, I commend you.  I recommend the following steps:

·       Be completely honest with yourself and make a list of all the possible ways you could have come across as creepy.  Also take note of the women to whom you radiated those vibes.

·       Stay AWAY from those women.  Keep your distance.  Let them approach you.

·       Have your sister, cousin, or not-creeped-out female friend help you pick out new clothes that neither make you look like Captain Sweatpants nor the Vienna school professors circa 1890.  You can find something you like without looking like a social outcast.

·       Read any book by Neil Strauss or Chris Odom.  Re-read them, take them to heart, and put their theories to practice.  Also check out a great self-help book called Asshole-ology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way and Getting Away With It.  Never forget the difference between an asshole and a douche bag.

·       Work out on a regular basis, at least 2-3 times a week. Slim down and tone up.  Just don’t end up looking like a Jersey Shore reject.

·       Don’t mix dating with work or activism.

·       Spend ten minutes a day reading up on popular culture so you have something other than the Austrian Business Cycle Theory to talk about in case you find yourself in conversation with (*gasp!*) a woman.

"...A martini, shaken, not stirred." --A non-creeper

Most importantly, learn how to read body language and be able to take “NO” for an answer.  If she’s not interested, move onto another woman who might actually be interested.  If anything, try to be like Rand Paul with your swag.  The less you talk, the more mysterious you seem.  Even if you have a monotone voice that puts you in stark contrast with your father’s high-pitched, arm-waving rants, you can still know what the hell you’re talking about and then make an interesting point or tell a good story.  “So then I said: Don’t tell the Tang family they didn’t build that!” [*laughter, much applause*]  Best of all, be cool, maintain the aura of being in charge, and always leave your friends and the ladies wanting more.

Liberty really can be sexy.

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Man with binoculars photo by Ante Perkovic and used via CC BY-SA 3.0 license.  Rand Paul photo by Gage Skidmore and used via CC BY-SA 2.0 license.  Martini photo by N. Renaud and used via CC BY-SA 2.0 license.  All images obtained from Wikimedia Commons.  Man, you have no idea how much I wished I could use a photo of James Bond without MGM and the Ian Fleming estate simultaneously jumping down my throat like argumentative Ron Paul supporters on Facebook.  IP: such is the cross I bear. *sigh*

The Hell With 2012 Already

Paul supporters protesting at the GOP National Convention

I remember exactly where I was a year ago when the ball dropped to ring in 2012.  I was sitting in the common room of the lodge at the YMCA camp in Bluegrass, Iowa.  New Years itself was more boring than a Ben Stein lecture on hygiene, and I was incredibly pissed that a few pricks hadn’t invited me to go clubbing with them at the Iowa City college bars.  Even still, I was surrounded by the company of Matt Pagano, Cory Chenard, and a bunch of other good people.

We were all working together to usher in Ron Paul’s victory in the Iowa Republican Caucuses and start the momentum that would bring him victory after victory and then the Republican Party nomination for the Presidency.  2012 quickly brought us a major disappointment as we watched how Fox News was quickly able to hijack his leading momentum with propaganda.  January 3 was a disappointing night for us.  We’d worked incredibly hard and we were defeated.  What a way to start the year off!

I continued with school, work, and local activism.  In May I happened to meet one of the most beautiful people I’ll ever know—beautiful on the inside and out—who was able to change me for the better in just a short amount of time.  We dated, we decided we would be exclusive, and that the long distance wouldn’t deter us.  Perhaps she wasn’t ever serious about it.  Perhaps I was too naïve to expect large bumps in the road.  Maybe I even realized subconsciously that it wouldn’t work, but my desire to live in the idealized “Zach’s world” made me blindly overlook her faults.

Somewhere along the way our relationship turned from a mutually loving give-and-take experiment to my mission to rescue her from hard times.  I became her white knight, and in doing so I focused exclusively on solving her problems while allowing my own issues to pile up on the back burner.  The sons of bitches would eventually jump off the stove and catch up to me.

We’ve since gone our separate ways and now there is only a white knight standing alone in a field, sword and shield in hand but no one to rescue.  There are no townspeople calling for me in the distance.  Frankly, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.  For the first time in a while I’ve had ample free time to seriously think back on the last eight months.  I can be honest with myself about the mistakes I made, and even more honest in admitting exactly the ways she did me wrong.  Basically, every free pass I gave her when she screwed up was like Neville Chamberlain letting Hitler keep Czechoslovakia.  Then I was actually surprised when I got the blitzkrieg!  It’s a bitch, but hindsight’s always 20/20.

Frankly, there are two things I can carry with me and walk tall like a man.  First, I honestly tried my absolute best to make it work.  Hell, I even tried my best to get Ron Paul elected, but that didn’t work either.  To top it all off, every single other liberty candidate I worked hard for and campaigned for individually got their asses handed to them, thanks to gerrymandering.  Damn!

There are just times when you lose and the outcome is beyond your control.  But damn it, I did my best and I have no regrets!  I worked hard for what I believe in.  Furthermore, I was able to love a human being unconditionally.  Every time she said “I love you back” I knew I was looking into the face of God.  I wouldn’t trade that experience for all the gold in the world.

Some of you reading this may ask, “Why the hell is he sharing this with everybody?”  The answer is simple.  I figure if I can be completely honest with the world, then I can be completely honest with myself and not make the same mistakes, neither in political work, the workplace, nor—especially—in my personal life.

It’s hard to deal with, but all the while I’ve stayed completely away from the bottle.  These are the kinds of disappointments I would have got wasted over just a few months ago.  But booze doesn’t make problems go away; it only makes you forget for a few hours, and then those problems come back tenfold in the morning.  The hell with that; I’m not drinking.

So here I am, sitting at a computer in southern California, with not even a vague idea of what the future holds.  I’m staying away from booze, hitting the books on Austrian economics and libertarian theory, getting back to the Bible, and going back to church.  These aren’t New Year’s resolutions; they’re already part of my new routine.  Better yet, I’ve been going on incredibly long hikes to feel empowered, and I’ve also been getting more creative with my writing and also in the kitchen. 

It’s incredibly satisfying to feel both empowered and creative.  I would recommend this in a heartbeat to other people in the liberty movement.  Too many of us waste lots of time behind a computer screen, either toiling away over a lengthy economic treatise that four people will glance at or endlessly reposting on Facebook some link exposing Monsanto.  Pretty soon my buddy Havoc and I will do a straight twenty-mile hike beginning at my doorstep and ending in Mt. Baldy Village.  How excited I am!

One thing I can proclaim is “The hell with 2012 already!”  Honestly, I’m over this year.  I learned a lot and grew a lot.  Ron Paul will always be my President and a young lady from Indiana knows I’ll always love her with all my heart, but it’s time for everyone to move forward.  Dwelling in the past is dangerous; Jay Gatsby tried it and it got him killed.

There’s a lot of work to be done in 2013.  People in the liberty movement need to learn to walk away from Facebook and do some real activism for real liberty candidates.  We also need to soften our rhetoric so our ideas can appeal to non-libertarians, especially neoconservatives and disillusioned Democrats.  2014 and 2016 will soon be upon us.  Most importantly, we all need to look inside ourselves, be honest with ourselves, and takes steps to improve ourselves as human beings.

I’ll tell you what though, if Rick Santorum runs for President again, I’m just going to mail giant sad face posters to everyone who endorses him.  Honestly, were it not for Ani DeGroot’s hard work, I would have lost complete faith in Iowa simply for the Santorum caucus victory. Double-you tee eff and never again!

2012 may not have been what we wanted it to be.  Just think of it as a rehearsal for better times.  I’d like to extend a big thank you to all my brothers and sisters in the liberty movement.

Happy New Year.

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Ron Paul supporters photo courtesy of Jayel Aheram, used via CC BY 2.0 license.  "Knights" painting by Viktor Vasnetsov is in the public domain.  Both images wre obtained from Wikimedia Commons.  Rand Paul 2016 artwork courtesy of Iowa News Liter blog with no rights given or implied.