An Alex Jones Fairy Tale, Part the Second

Continued from Part the First: Once Upon a Time: An Alex Jones Fairy Tale

Book the Second

Once upon a time there sat a story teller in the front of his all-knowing, far-reaching computer.  Mighty was this device, for its ram and melding with the magical FiOs stone allowed the story teller to travel to distant lands and send messages of great import to comrades long separated.  This is a story the teller did impart unto me in confidence, but the urgency of these dark times compel me to divulge unto thee this tale my heart burns to tell.

The likeness of the King's castle on an ancient coin (not of silver)

Once upon a time sat in a castle under the ground was a Conspiratarian.  This lord of a private fiefdom unpopulated was licking his wounds and counting his misfortunes following a desperate engagement.  This engagement was a swift defeat unto the Conspiratarian, for he did send his most loyal knight, the Adam of Kokesh, into battle, backwards on a horse, with sword and shield raised above and behind his head.  Knew he well that such a non-traditional and non-defensive stance would demonstrate a warrior’s steady resolve and utter lack of fear, and that it would strike fear into the hearts of his opponents on the field of battle, which in reality most certainly did not.

Upon the retirement of the champion of the Round Table, Sir Ronald of Paul, the Adam of Kokesh waxeth increasingly sore for many days. Stepped he in front of his own computer, did Kokesh, and proclaimeth unto the world that for the greatest champion of liberty in all the world to retire was indeed a betrayal against the people.

Kokesh proclaimeth Sir Ronald an Enemy of the People whilst claiming himself rightful successor to Sir Ronald’s seat at the round table.  Kokesh did dream many a dream in which he was a presidential candidate, whereupon books would be written about him, houses of learning dedicated in his name, tattoos drawn bearing his image, and most of all: he dreameth that Lady Anne of Archist, whose heart belongeth to Sir Ronald, would soften her heart and place it to be stolen upon by he, Kokesh.

Therefore, Kokesh sent a proclamation to all the libertarians throughout all the lands, saying, “Verily I say unto you, Ronald of Paul is a knave; he is no libertarian like unto thee all.  It is I who will be thy champion of liberty henceforth.”  And it so happened that the libertarians waxed sore and rose up against him, and his subscription count on YouTube did plummet like unto a fallen angel (and not a better corresponding metaphor could have been used).

The Kokesh fell deeply out of favor, but ne’er did he give up in his maniacal quest.  He decided he needed to consult the mystical spirits, and so he lit up a joint made thereof of the dankest chronic recommended by Jamaican sages.  He lit the joint and filmed himself smoking it thus, whereby he was able to commune with the spirits.  The spirits compelled him to resist the challenges against liberty through armed uprising, like unto the risings of Edward IV against the House of Lancaster, and unto Tommy Vercetti’s struggle against Sonny Forelli.

And so the Adam of Kokesh devised a plan which, in his mind, shone brilliant.  He sent riders in all directions with orders to muster in the King’s capital.  The faithful disciples of the Conspiratarian and his head knight, the Adam of Kokesh, were to assemble near the castle of King Barack with their muskets and swords o’er their shoulders.  They would then march yonder round the fiefdoms of the King’s department ministers.

It was brought to the attention of Kokesh by a low-ranking conspiratarian militiaman, whose courage wavered with fear, that a standing ordinance in the Capital prohibiteth open carry of arms.  “Nay!” roareth Kokesh, waxing with courage, and saying “the King’s ordinance doth not supercede our right to bear arms as guaranteed in the Second Amendment!”  This was very true indeed, but Kokesh stopped not there, for he waxed with pride and proclaimeth, “Our cause is not simply limited to the laws of the capital, but to the liberation of the whole nation!  We shall march on the capital and the King’s opposition shall quiver with fear and throw down their weapons!”

As the conspiratarians saw the world, it was colored only in black and white.  The globes in their offices were flat, and their maps of the capital shewn a golden throne upon which Sir Ronald of Paul was to sit, singlehandedly restoring the people’s freedom and serving as Dictator of Liberty.  As Sir Ronald retired, the Adam of Kokesh appointed himself Great Successor to the Dictatorship of Liberty.  Kokesh did see the world as a flat disc, and his lord’s militia’s march on the King’s capital was to strike fear into the hearts of the Kings men so that they would be chased by the Conspiratarian’s militia to the ends of the Earth, whereupon they would continue to flee and fall off the edge of the world.

Yet the libertarians throughout the land, with a true concern for their brothers in the conspiratarian movement, cried unto the Adam of Kokesh.  Their plea: “I beseech thee, O brother, waste not thy men in this march, for the King’s men are many, and they shall slay thy multitudes with their greater multitudes.”  The heart of Kokesh did hearken unto their plea, yet shrwed was the Adam.  He sayeth to his leftenants, “We shall perform a strategic operation which will be a bloodless coup.  We must march on the King’s capital, but may we do so unarmed, and in protest of the King’s laws against the growers of the Holy Hemp Weed.”

The Adam of Kokesh seized by King Barack's men

And the Kokesh did march unarmed on the King’s capital, and he was seized by the King’s men within five minutes, and placed into a dungeon in one of the fiefdoms of the department ministers.

The Conspirataian grew livid upon this news, and beseeched his remaining conspiratarian disciples to liberate the Adam of Kokesh from the dungeon.  And it came to pass that on the day the Conspiratarian and his men donned their Guy Fawkes masks and mounted their horses, they saw a creature in flight which slew their courage.  “Look ho!  Yonder flyeth one of King Barack’s mechanized eagles, and it performeth psychological operations!  Its operations affect me at this minute, and my courage wanes!  Retreat now to the underground bunker, and behind the safety of thine own laptops!”  And the Conspiratarian and his men retreated into the sunset, leaving the Adam of Kokesh to languish in the dungeon.

To be continued…

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White House artwork is in the public domain and obtained from Wikimedia Commons.  Adam Kokesh arrest image courtesy of Maria Izaurralde via Spread Liberty News.

Any Idiot Who Thinks Jack Hunter a Racist, Is a Racist

One of the reasons I so passionately despise polar politics—both on the left and on the right—is that people behave as demagogues.  They steamroll their way right past the issues and find any irrelevant detail to which their smear campaigns can grab a toe-hold.  They’ll find a detail and mercilessly exploit it, blowing it ever out of proportion simply to spread rumors and discontent.

Jack Hunter (left) with Senator Jim DeMint.

It began this morning with a lengthy hit piece against Jack Hunter on Media Matters, written (highly out of context) by Ben Dimiero and Eric Hananoki.  As if that malarkey was bad enough, it was quickly perpetuated by others.  I have absolutely no respect for the Washington Free Beacon’s Alana Goodman nor for the Washington Post’s Jennifer Rubin.  Both of these scandal-biters, like Dimiero and Hananoki, have perpetuated what is essentially a continuation of the ill-founded race-baiting and hatemongering against Ron Paul, only they’re trying to make the boiling water roll over to Rand Paul.  Let these so-called journalists know that their petty tactics won’t fly.  Henceforth they’ll be referred to as the Gang of Four.

What they’re focusing on is Jack Hunter’s association with the League of the South during his college days, and some inflammatory statements he made in support of the Confederate cause.  The man is Southern, for heaven’s sake; the South is filled with tens of thousands of men and women—white, black, Hispanic, and Native American—who wave rebel battle flags.  If this surprises them, they must not get out much.

What the quasi-journalists fail to overlook is that, while he may have been ardently pro-secessionist, there is no evidence that he’s racist.  Back when he was highly conservative—the way even I used to be before becoming libertarian—immigration used to bother him.  It bothers a lot of people on both sides of the spectrum these days, including left-leaning union leaders who’re trying to secure scarce jobs for their dues-paying citizen members.  His old view was that immigration dilutes NOT race, but culture.

Those concerns are not merely opinion, but policy in left-leaning France, where hijabs are banned and businesses that speak and write too much English versus French are fined by the Ministry of Culture for endangering French language and culture.  I don’t see these same quasi-journalists calling Woody Allen racist for glorifying xenophobic France in his movie Midnight in Paris, yet here they try to paint Hunter—and, by implication, Senator Paul—as racist.  The point is that Hunter’s changed his views (and that Goodman and Rubin are looking for red herrings where no conspiracy exists.

One of the reasons the Gang of Four’s conduct incenses me is that the race-baiting they’re engaging in—through the creatively deceptive use of euphemisms like “neo-Confederate”—is the same kind of ludicrous malarkey the neoconservatives engage in every time they call President Obama a Communist or a Muslim.  His father was a Muslim—big whoop.  He hung out with dedicated Marxist-Leninists in college—big whoop.  Simple association doesn’t make him either of those things; it simply makes him intellectually curious.  Obama did engage in radical rhetoric as a college student—hey, it was the 1970s—but he changed his views and his admirers on the left don’t hold his feet to the fire for it.  On the same plane of logic, Hunter’s membership in a pro-secession organization while in college doesn’t make him a slave owner, much less a racist; it makes him intellectually curious.  His feet shouldn’t be held to the fire for old views any more than Obama’s should for similar reasons.  Hell, even I, a libertarian Republican, dated a Marxist-Leninist a while back, but that sure as hell doesn’t make me a Red.

Everyone can safely assume that the Gang of Four—and anyone else perpetuating the Media Matters Mythology—are not journalists, with the same level of integrity as Cronkite or Murrow, but rather charlatans trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill, manufacturing scandal in order to further their own careers.  Machiavelli writes about such bottom-feeders in The Prince, and their conduct doesn’t surprise me.

Regarding the whole idea of secession, it’s not that big of a deal (at least nowadays).  So many on the left like to bellyache about Southerners being an evil group of people who tried to secede from their country and form a new country, in which slavery would be legal.  What they conveniently overlook—despite their unparalleled proficiency in the art of investigative journalism—is that our country, the U.S. of A., was founded by a group of people who seceded from their country to form a new country, in which slavery would be legal.

H.K. Edgerton

There still are some people who believe that legal slavery could have ended peacefully in America—as it did in every other North American country—if Lincoln’s administration hadn’t resorted to a military invasion of the Southern states and total war against the Southern population.  Furthermore, historian Tom Woods, backed by documentation, so eloquently points out in The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History that the first American states to threaten secession on the record were Northern states in the early nineteenth century.  During the Civil War, the Confederate army had three times as many Hispanics as the Union army, and the high chief of the Cherokees, Stand Watie, was a rebel general.  Former NAACP chapter president H.K. Edgerton is a Confederate enthusiast, and he's black.  That red flag with a blue cross is about rebellion, not about racial supremacy.

To top it off, our country has encouraged secession in other countries!  The State Department welcomed the South Sudanese plebiscite, the DoD sent troops to enforce the secession of Bosnia, Kosovo, and Albania from Yugoslavia, and NATO allowed the Red Army to secede East Germany from the West in 1949.  Talk about double standards!  My point is that secession isn’t that big of a deal, but the Gang of Four thinks it is, just as long as their articles get lots of attention.

What does Hunter have to say about all this?  If I may quote verbatim: “I abhor racism.”  I’m sure glad the Gang of Four had the journalistic integrity to ask Hunter his beliefs before deciding what they are in his stead… NOT!  It reminds me of a quote from the African-American—and conservative—Reverend C.L. Bryant’s film Runaway Slave, when a black conservative is blasting a black liberal for race-baiting: “You are tearing at a wound that is trying to heal!”

Finally, I can personally attest to the fact that Jack Hunter is neither a racist nor an extremist.  Like all formerly radical college kids (including President Obama), Jack grew the hell up and so did his views.  As far as the racism goes, I recall a certain time a while back when Hunter was courting a particular lady.  He was doing so chivalrously, as a Southern gentleman is expected do.  Not only was the recipient of his admiration strikingly beautiful, but SHE WAS NOT WHITE.  Yup, the Gang of Four sure found a bona fide racist!  Pretty soon they’ll produce exposés on the Chupacabra, Carmen San Diego, and Waldo.

Back to the courtship, it didn’t work out between those two, but today Jack is going steady with a wonderful girl whom I’ve met and worked with and is fantastic.  I wish them all the best.  Very few people on this planet have the integrity, intelligence, and compassion that Jack Hunter does.  I’ll be able to say for the rest of my life that I’m proud to know Jack, to have worked with him, drank with him, and to have been a part of history with him.

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Hunter and DeMint photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore.  Edgerton photo courtesy of BlackConfederateSoldiers.com.