An Alex Jones Fairy Tale, Part the Second

Continued from Part the First: Once Upon a Time: An Alex Jones Fairy Tale

Book the Second

Once upon a time there sat a story teller in the front of his all-knowing, far-reaching computer.  Mighty was this device, for its ram and melding with the magical FiOs stone allowed the story teller to travel to distant lands and send messages of great import to comrades long separated.  This is a story the teller did impart unto me in confidence, but the urgency of these dark times compel me to divulge unto thee this tale my heart burns to tell.

The likeness of the King's castle on an ancient coin (not of silver)

Once upon a time sat in a castle under the ground was a Conspiratarian.  This lord of a private fiefdom unpopulated was licking his wounds and counting his misfortunes following a desperate engagement.  This engagement was a swift defeat unto the Conspiratarian, for he did send his most loyal knight, the Adam of Kokesh, into battle, backwards on a horse, with sword and shield raised above and behind his head.  Knew he well that such a non-traditional and non-defensive stance would demonstrate a warrior’s steady resolve and utter lack of fear, and that it would strike fear into the hearts of his opponents on the field of battle, which in reality most certainly did not.

Upon the retirement of the champion of the Round Table, Sir Ronald of Paul, the Adam of Kokesh waxeth increasingly sore for many days. Stepped he in front of his own computer, did Kokesh, and proclaimeth unto the world that for the greatest champion of liberty in all the world to retire was indeed a betrayal against the people.

Kokesh proclaimeth Sir Ronald an Enemy of the People whilst claiming himself rightful successor to Sir Ronald’s seat at the round table.  Kokesh did dream many a dream in which he was a presidential candidate, whereupon books would be written about him, houses of learning dedicated in his name, tattoos drawn bearing his image, and most of all: he dreameth that Lady Anne of Archist, whose heart belongeth to Sir Ronald, would soften her heart and place it to be stolen upon by he, Kokesh.

Therefore, Kokesh sent a proclamation to all the libertarians throughout all the lands, saying, “Verily I say unto you, Ronald of Paul is a knave; he is no libertarian like unto thee all.  It is I who will be thy champion of liberty henceforth.”  And it so happened that the libertarians waxed sore and rose up against him, and his subscription count on YouTube did plummet like unto a fallen angel (and not a better corresponding metaphor could have been used).

The Kokesh fell deeply out of favor, but ne’er did he give up in his maniacal quest.  He decided he needed to consult the mystical spirits, and so he lit up a joint made thereof of the dankest chronic recommended by Jamaican sages.  He lit the joint and filmed himself smoking it thus, whereby he was able to commune with the spirits.  The spirits compelled him to resist the challenges against liberty through armed uprising, like unto the risings of Edward IV against the House of Lancaster, and unto Tommy Vercetti’s struggle against Sonny Forelli.

And so the Adam of Kokesh devised a plan which, in his mind, shone brilliant.  He sent riders in all directions with orders to muster in the King’s capital.  The faithful disciples of the Conspiratarian and his head knight, the Adam of Kokesh, were to assemble near the castle of King Barack with their muskets and swords o’er their shoulders.  They would then march yonder round the fiefdoms of the King’s department ministers.

It was brought to the attention of Kokesh by a low-ranking conspiratarian militiaman, whose courage wavered with fear, that a standing ordinance in the Capital prohibiteth open carry of arms.  “Nay!” roareth Kokesh, waxing with courage, and saying “the King’s ordinance doth not supercede our right to bear arms as guaranteed in the Second Amendment!”  This was very true indeed, but Kokesh stopped not there, for he waxed with pride and proclaimeth, “Our cause is not simply limited to the laws of the capital, but to the liberation of the whole nation!  We shall march on the capital and the King’s opposition shall quiver with fear and throw down their weapons!”

As the conspiratarians saw the world, it was colored only in black and white.  The globes in their offices were flat, and their maps of the capital shewn a golden throne upon which Sir Ronald of Paul was to sit, singlehandedly restoring the people’s freedom and serving as Dictator of Liberty.  As Sir Ronald retired, the Adam of Kokesh appointed himself Great Successor to the Dictatorship of Liberty.  Kokesh did see the world as a flat disc, and his lord’s militia’s march on the King’s capital was to strike fear into the hearts of the Kings men so that they would be chased by the Conspiratarian’s militia to the ends of the Earth, whereupon they would continue to flee and fall off the edge of the world.

Yet the libertarians throughout the land, with a true concern for their brothers in the conspiratarian movement, cried unto the Adam of Kokesh.  Their plea: “I beseech thee, O brother, waste not thy men in this march, for the King’s men are many, and they shall slay thy multitudes with their greater multitudes.”  The heart of Kokesh did hearken unto their plea, yet shrwed was the Adam.  He sayeth to his leftenants, “We shall perform a strategic operation which will be a bloodless coup.  We must march on the King’s capital, but may we do so unarmed, and in protest of the King’s laws against the growers of the Holy Hemp Weed.”

The Adam of Kokesh seized by King Barack's men

And the Kokesh did march unarmed on the King’s capital, and he was seized by the King’s men within five minutes, and placed into a dungeon in one of the fiefdoms of the department ministers.

The Conspirataian grew livid upon this news, and beseeched his remaining conspiratarian disciples to liberate the Adam of Kokesh from the dungeon.  And it came to pass that on the day the Conspiratarian and his men donned their Guy Fawkes masks and mounted their horses, they saw a creature in flight which slew their courage.  “Look ho!  Yonder flyeth one of King Barack’s mechanized eagles, and it performeth psychological operations!  Its operations affect me at this minute, and my courage wanes!  Retreat now to the underground bunker, and behind the safety of thine own laptops!”  And the Conspiratarian and his men retreated into the sunset, leaving the Adam of Kokesh to languish in the dungeon.

To be continued…

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White House artwork is in the public domain and obtained from Wikimedia Commons.  Adam Kokesh arrest image courtesy of Maria Izaurralde via Spread Liberty News.

Tyrannical Government: The Hitler and Stalin Argument

I’m quite disappointed to realize I never fully tackled the Alex Jones guest appearance on Piers Morgan’s television program at the beginning of this year, so I’m taking this opportunity to discuss something important.  Whether they’re in favor of gun control or not, everyone who watched that interview can clearly remember Alex Jones’ outburst and what he said:

“Hitler took the guns, Stalin took the guns, Mao took the guns, Fidel Castro took the guns, Hugo Chavez took the guns … 1776 will commence again if you try to take the guns from the American people!!!”

While Jones’ point held an incredibly valid argument, he unfortunately stated some tiredly overused rhetoric that conservatives and libertarians use as an ideological defense of their Second Amendment rights.  To this very day, leftists take the totalitarian argument completely out of context, and they’re able to do so because conservatives and libertarians rarely ever add the proper context to this valid argument.

Let me attempt to give a logical and easy to understand explanation of what Jones meant.  It’s overstated that the reason the Second Amendment exists is for the American people to be able to protect themselves from “tyrannical government.”  That statement in and of itself is incredibly vague and unclear in its meaning.  What does “tyrannical government” exactly mean?

This is what it boils down to: the purpose of the Second Amendment is for the American civilian population to be armed to be able to fight a war against the federal government.  Plain and simple.

Battle of Lexington

Bear in mind that the Constitution and its appendage, the Bill of Rights, were written and ratified less than a decade after the American Revolutionary War had been won by the United States government (formerly the confederated Continental governments).  This war for independence began precisely as an armed faction of the British citizenry in North America went to war against the British government.  The war began at Lexington when a British Army battalion fired on the local militia, blatantly violating what we understand today to be the rules of engagement.

The government fired on the citizenry and the citizenry sure as hell shot back.

Many people on the left like to say that the circumstances of the American Revolution were unique, and that the federal government is not being tyrannical today the way the Crown was being.  Not so!  Anyone can take a look at the Declaration of Independence and see how many of the grievances—especially those in the second half of the list of outrages—written by the bipartisan Continental Congress in 1776 have been repeatedly committed against the American people by the federal government, under both the Bush and Obama administrations.

Some on the left may indeed agree that the federal government is behaving the way the Royal Government behaved in the 1770s, but that our country’s government will never become as tyrannical as Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union under Stalin.  But how can they really be sure?

Let’s first look at the rise of the Nazi regime in Germany.  The infamous fire that broke out in the Reichstag in February 1932 was the basis upon which German President Paul von Hindenberg—a supporter of Adolf Hitler’s—issues the Reichstag Fire Decree which was the “legal” basis for the German federal government to nullify many key civil rights, including a protection against warrantless arrests, indefinite detention, and seizures of personal property.

Adolf Hitler was elected in the spring of 1933.  Within one year of the seizure of state power by the Nazi regime—by democratic means, no less—all Jewish-owned businesses in Nazi Germany were marked with a yellow star or the word “Juden.”  In 1935—two years into the Nazi regime’s tenure—the passage of the Nuremburg laws stripped Germany’s Jews of their citizenship (as well as various political targets and other undesirables).  In 1936, special prison camps were built for political prisoners.  These prisons would later be known as “concentration camps.”   By 1938, the regime began enforcing stringent gun control laws, confiscating as many firearms as possible, and also began the mass incarceration of Jews into the newly built camps.

The terror and horror was in full swing within only five years.  What amazes me is how the majority of civil servants and elected officials in the German government in 1932 were ordinary people, hardly different from those serving in American government today.  Is it still completely implausible that tyranny could occur in America, creeping subtly to the surface, within just five years?

Let’s look back even further at the genesis of the Soviet Union.  The Bolsheviks occupied the Winter Palace in November 1917.  Within a few months Lenin had dissolved the Constituent Assembly (their at-the-time equivalent of a Congress or Parliament) and outlawed the other political parties.  Within two years of the October Revolution, Lenin organized the Cheka (secret police) that was sixteen times as large as the Tsar’s secret police.  He ordered the arrest and execution of at least 80,000 “enemies of the state” from the Social Democratic and Socialist Revolutionary parties.

Many people assumed this madness was simply part of the birth pangs of a new nation and part of the horrors of war (Russia was in a civil war from 1918-22).  However, it continued and progressively intensified.  Lenin’s regime did not only arrest the kulaks—landowners—but executed tens of thousands of them.  These figures do not reflect the people that were forcibly deported from the young Soviet Union.

In 1924 Lenin passed away and Stalin was selected by the Party to succeed him as Secretary.  Within five years Stalin began his “Second Revolution” to correct deviations from Marxist-Leninist doctrine which had occurred during the Civil War and New Economic Policy (NEP), to eliminate the new kulaks of the rising middle class which emerged during the first Five Year Plan under the NEP, and to purge impure elements from the Communist Party.  Though the Bolsheviks confiscated as many civilian-owned firearms as possible during the Civil War, the Second Revolution saw gun control officially implemented in 1929, immediately followed by a nationwide campaign of firearms seizure by the government.

NKVD (precursor to the KGB) records testify to 681,692 people executed during Stalin’s terror of 1936-39, though experts put the number of people murdered by their government during this time at over one million.  Let it be understood that when a government begins murdering its unarmed population, such a program is called genocide.  When a government begins murdering its armed population, such is usually the initiation of a civil war and likely government overthrow.  Nonetheless, in Russia during the end of the Tsar’s reign and early months of Bolshevik rule, just as in Germany, the majority of those serving in government were ordinary people, hardly different from American government employees and public servants.  When the regime began committing acts of tyranny, these same civil servants probably believed they were doing the right thing, entirely for the public good, just as the majority of the American Congress felt when they passed the PATRIOT Act and the various versions of NDAA.

We’ve demonstrated that atrocities in Germany began within five years of a change in government.  The long list of atrocities in the Soviet Union began within one year of the Bolsheviks taking power.  Let’s ask ourselves, is it completely implausible that a government could become tyrannical within one year?  Even after the cases of Germany and Russia—ancient lands steeped with rich histories and sophisticated culture—is it still impossible to consider that the American government could inflict tyranny on its own citizens?

It is indeed possible, though I pray it never happens.  I love my country and I consider my experiences so far in public service to have been an honor, but I also realize that I—like all of you—must remain vigilant and protest whenever the government oversteps its authority.  I fully understand that I’m 100 times more likely to be attacked by a fellow citizen than by my own government, but as long as I practice my Second Amendment right I can at least have a fighting chance to successfully defend myself.  I’m defenseless if the government disarms me.

Returning to the Alex Jones shout-a-thon on Piers Morgan’s show, it’s quite obvious that Piers set Alex up for that one.  There was no table, after all, bringing the two talking heads intimately close and thus making it more personal.  As far as setting Jones up, Morgan succeeded as Jones walked straight into the trap and began shouting.  Once Jones commenced his tantrum, he’d already lost and this victory for gun control advocates was broadcast internationally.  Because of that, it’s my hope that shedding some light on the tyrannical government argument will help my compatriots in the liberty movement present the argument accurately and in context so as to make our pro-Second Amendment position understood, not reviled.

Keep in mind and never forget that the same brilliant statesmen who brought you the rights to free speech, due process, and freedom from unlawful search and seizure are the same thinkers who brought you the right to own firearms.  They did so in consideration of the U.S. government overstepping its authority and attacking citizens, just as their government did in 1775.

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YouTube video contains footage that is the property of CNN but is used here in accordance with Fair Use Law and via Standard YouTube license.  Alex Jones image used courtesy of "911conspiracy" and Piers Morgan image courtesy of Ian Lively.  Both images hosted on Flickr, were obtained from Wikimedia Commons, and are used here via CC BY 2.0 license.  The First Blow For Liberty, Battle of Lexington by A.H. Ritchie is in the public domain.

Once Upon a Time: An Alex Jones Fairy Tale

Book the First

New Swan Castle--inspiration for Walt Disney and conspiratarians

Once upon a time there was a corps of dedicated, principled activists who fought hard and took incredible strides in the hopes of electing the greatest statesman in modern time to the highest office in the land.  This is not their story.  This is the story of the Conspiratarian who ranted from within his chamber deep within a castle.  The Conspiratarian was a nobleman—a prince perhaps—of a dynasty long-since overthrown.  This dynasty of old was overthrown not by force of arms, for foreign armies knew that 1776 would happen again if the guns were to be taken away.  Instead, unseen forces—most likely funded by the globalists—laid down their measly Senator Feinstein-approved chariots and sabers and instead picked up the memoirs of General Vo Nguyen Giap and began to wage a war of propaganda and disinformation.

In this war of disinformation, other crackpot ideologues in slightly lesser need of Ritalin (or perhaps a fat bowl of marijuana) learned to tone down the extremity of their lies and half-truths so that the lowly proletarians—the sheeple—would find the madness more acceptable.  They were then able to creep up on the Conspiratarian’s mighty television antenna and overtake his hard-earned ratings with higher ones of their own!  But these ideologues were themselves deceived.  Half of them hated the Warlock of the East, George of Soros, while the other half hated the Warlock of the West, Rupert of Murdoch.  Yet none of them knew that both warlocks were the puppets of the unknown globalists.

You might be tempted to ask, “Who were those wicked globalists?”  Why, they were none other than the fabled Gnomes of Zürich, controlling the world through their extensive banking operations from deep, underground chambers where pawns like the goblins at Gringotts did their bidding.  (It should be known that the Gnomes of Zürich funded the Keebler elves in their mission to increase obesity in the United States, therefore reducing the amount of able-bodied men in the unorganized militia in order to advance their globalist agenda.)  Using the Codebook of the Freemasons, the globalist gnomes planned their takeover of the entire world and nobody knew.  Nobody except for the valiant Conspiratarian, that is!

Though he may have lost his mighty television antenna, he thought of the bat-shit crazy conspiracies he must bring forth to light in front of the whole world, and so he clapped his hands.  He clapped, clapped, clapped his hands so incredibly hard because he truly believed.  This beckoned the arrival of Tinkerbell who used her magic to grant him with the Power of the Modem, through which he could transmit his theories to the rest of the world from within his new hidden lair.  While undertaking the arduous task of preaching the truth to the world, the noble Conspiratarian drew strength and inspiration from the everlasting truths in the Gospel of Zeitgeist (parts I and II, DVD versions) and the Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

The gnomes' globalist mercenary troops in Zurich

There would be many battles up ahead.  First, the towns-sheeple of the kingdom were under siege from the killer tomatoes of Monsanto, whose chemically-altered properties made them jump out of the ground and start ravishing all the lovely damsels.  They then continued on the path of destruction to punch babies in the face and keep Denny's closed between 1 and 3 AM on Friday and Saturday nights.  With the help of his noble squire, the Adam of Kokesh—his given name was Bitchy von Moaner—who used the power of the beard (derived in no way from Chuck Norris) to slay the killer tomatoes, the towns-sheeple were temporarily saved.  But danger lurked on the horizon.

There was a white knight in shining armor, Sir Ronald of Paul, who galloped valiantly to undue the globalist agenda.  Unfortunately, he was hit by a bus carrying the Conspiratarian’s message of truth to the townspeople, and Sir Ronald had to temporarily retire from the good fight.  His son Lord Randal of Paul took a different approach to defeat the globalist menace.  With the help of the Wizard of Goldwater—a famed alchemist and “conservative” of old—Sir Rand took the form of a snake in the grass, working his way to a position of high power in the globalist court.  He made a speech in honor of one of the gnomes’ top servants (in order to get closer to the gnomes and stab them in the back to preserve our liberty).  Upon hearing this speech, the Conspiratarian and his squire from Kokesh raised an army of conspiratarian followers who rallied in battle and slew Sir Rand’s momentum.  The Conspiratarian and the Kokeshian squire charged forth valiantly towards future battles, neither knowing nor caring that their noble efforts were making things incredibly difficult for those who were utilizing calmer rhetoric and rallying behind political warriors who actually had the power and ability to counter the globalist agenda.

Elsewhere in the world, a young man sat at a computer in Southern California, wondering whether he was having a quarter-life crisis.  After starting up a blog full of his own ranting vanity cards, he began to fully understand was a misunderstood genius Chuck Lorre is.

Continued in Book the Second!

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Züriputsch 1839 sketch in the public domain. New Swan Castle image by Cezary Piwowarsky and used via CC BY-SA 3.0 license.  Both images obtained from Wikimedia Commons.  If you haven't read Chuck Lorre's vanity cards, Google them.  Sadly I can relate to so many.  Break ups suck.