Continued from Part the First: Once Upon a Time: An Alex Jones Fairy Tale
Book the Second
Once upon a time there sat a story
teller in the front of his all-knowing, far-reaching computer. Mighty was this device, for its ram and
melding with the magical FiOs stone allowed the story teller to travel to distant
lands and send messages of great import to comrades long separated. This is a story the teller did impart unto me
in confidence, but the urgency of these dark times compel me to divulge unto
thee this tale my heart burns to tell.
 |
| The likeness of the King's castle on an ancient coin (not of silver) |
Once upon a time sat in a castle under
the ground was a Conspiratarian. This
lord of a private fiefdom unpopulated was licking his wounds and counting his
misfortunes following a desperate engagement.
This engagement was a swift defeat unto the Conspiratarian, for he did
send his most loyal knight, the Adam of Kokesh, into battle, backwards on a
horse, with sword and shield raised above and behind his head. Knew he well that such a non-traditional and
non-defensive stance would demonstrate a warrior’s steady resolve and utter
lack of fear, and that it would strike fear into the hearts of his opponents on
the field of battle, which in reality most certainly did not.
Upon the retirement of the champion of
the Round Table, Sir Ronald of Paul, the Adam of Kokesh waxeth increasingly
sore for many days. Stepped he in front of his own computer, did Kokesh, and
proclaimeth unto the world that for the greatest champion of liberty in all the
world to retire was indeed a betrayal against the people.
Kokesh proclaimeth Sir Ronald an Enemy
of the People whilst claiming himself rightful successor to Sir Ronald’s seat
at the round table. Kokesh did dream
many a dream in which he was a presidential candidate, whereupon books would be
written about him, houses of learning dedicated in his name, tattoos drawn
bearing his image, and most of all: he dreameth that Lady Anne of Archist, whose
heart belongeth to Sir Ronald, would soften her heart and place it to be stolen
upon by he, Kokesh.
Therefore, Kokesh sent a proclamation to
all the libertarians throughout all the lands, saying, “Verily I say unto you,
Ronald of Paul is a knave; he is no libertarian like unto thee all. It is I who will be thy champion of liberty
henceforth.” And it so happened that the
libertarians waxed sore and rose up against him, and his subscription count on
YouTube did plummet like unto a fallen angel (and not a better corresponding metaphor
could have been used).
The Kokesh fell deeply out of favor, but
ne’er did he give up in his maniacal quest.
He decided he needed to consult the mystical spirits, and so he lit up a
joint made thereof of the dankest chronic recommended by Jamaican sages. He lit the joint and filmed himself smoking it
thus, whereby he was able to commune with the spirits. The spirits compelled him to resist the
challenges against liberty through armed uprising, like unto the risings of Edward
IV against the House of Lancaster, and unto Tommy Vercetti’s struggle against
Sonny Forelli.
And so the Adam of Kokesh devised a plan
which, in his mind, shone brilliant. He
sent riders in all directions with orders to muster in the King’s capital. The faithful disciples of the Conspiratarian
and his head knight, the Adam of Kokesh, were to assemble near the castle of
King Barack with their muskets and swords o’er their shoulders. They would then march yonder round the
fiefdoms of the King’s department ministers.
It was brought to the attention of
Kokesh by a low-ranking conspiratarian militiaman, whose courage wavered with
fear, that a standing ordinance in the Capital prohibiteth open carry of
arms. “Nay!” roareth Kokesh, waxing with
courage, and saying “the King’s ordinance doth not supercede our right to bear
arms as guaranteed in the Second Amendment!”
This was very true indeed, but Kokesh stopped not there, for he waxed
with pride and proclaimeth, “Our cause is not simply limited to the laws of the
capital, but to the liberation of the whole nation! We shall march on the capital and the King’s
opposition shall quiver with fear and throw down their weapons!”
As the conspiratarians saw the world, it
was colored only in black and white. The
globes in their offices were flat, and their maps of the capital shewn a golden
throne upon which Sir Ronald of Paul was to sit, singlehandedly restoring the
people’s freedom and serving as Dictator of Liberty. As Sir Ronald retired, the Adam of Kokesh
appointed himself Great Successor to the Dictatorship of Liberty. Kokesh did see the world as a flat disc, and
his lord’s militia’s march on the King’s capital was to strike fear into the
hearts of the Kings men so that they would be chased by the Conspiratarian’s
militia to the ends of the Earth, whereupon they would continue to flee and
fall off the edge of the world.
Yet the libertarians throughout the
land, with a true concern for their brothers in the conspiratarian movement,
cried unto the Adam of Kokesh. Their
plea: “I beseech thee, O brother, waste not thy men in this march, for the King’s
men are many, and they shall slay thy multitudes with their greater multitudes.” The heart of Kokesh did hearken unto their
plea, yet shrwed was the Adam. He sayeth
to his leftenants, “We shall perform a strategic operation which will be a
bloodless coup. We must march on the
King’s capital, but may we do so unarmed, and in protest of the King’s laws
against the growers of the Holy Hemp Weed.”
 |
| The Adam of Kokesh seized by King Barack's men |
And the Kokesh did march unarmed on the
King’s capital, and he was seized by the King’s men within five minutes, and
placed into a dungeon in one of the fiefdoms of the department ministers.
The Conspirataian grew livid upon this
news, and beseeched his remaining conspiratarian disciples to liberate the Adam
of Kokesh from the dungeon. And it came
to pass that on the day the Conspiratarian and his men donned their Guy Fawkes
masks and mounted their horses, they saw a creature in flight which slew their
courage. “Look ho! Yonder flyeth one of King Barack’s mechanized
eagles, and it performeth psychological operations! Its operations affect me at this minute, and
my courage wanes! Retreat now to the
underground bunker, and behind the safety of thine own laptops!” And the Conspiratarian and his men retreated
into the sunset, leaving the Adam of Kokesh to languish in the dungeon.
To be continued…
* * *
White House artwork is in the public domain and obtained from Wikimedia Commons. Adam Kokesh arrest image courtesy of Maria Izaurralde via Spread Liberty News.
No comments:
Post a Comment