Friday, January 25, 2013

YAL and the Lost Book of the Bible

The following is believed by archeologists and theological experts to be a chapter from a lost book in the Hebrew Bible.  It was one of the more than 900 texts known as the Dead Sea Scrolls, hidden from the world for two millennia by the sands of time.  Because of its shocking prophetic content—prophesying of worldviews and commandments of a modern liberty movement organization in existence today—it was long dismissed by the academic community of Biblical and theological studies.  However, radiocarbon dating and recent archeological excavations in Palestine have made great strides in authenticating this text.

For decades it was locked away deep in the vaults of the Smithsonian Institute until just days ago when a ninja stealthily broke into the vaults and silently made his way out with the ancient scroll containing the text.  The ninja’s master, Walter Block, defended the undefendable and liberated the previously hidden-away text, sending electronic copies to bloggers worldwide with a CC BY 3.0 license.  This is the hidden chapter from the lost text:

1 And Rebekah of Florida came down from the mountain with the stone tablet upon which were inscribed the YAL’s commandments, and she did address the multitudes of libertarians,
2 And she delivered unto them the five commandments of the one true YAL which were the following:
3 Be straightforward and hold no deception against thy fellow man, lest ye be called infiltrator.
4 Be not abrasive, for the reward for those who obey the commandments of the YAL shall be made tenfold in heaven, and the reward for those who cleave to their statist idols shall be like unto coals of a fiery furnace.
5 Be thou a loving and cooperative body, giving thy hand in friendship to all men, for verily the YAL declareth unto you, Go ye therefore, and make disciples of all nations, preaching and baptizing in the name of the Mises, the Rothbard, and the Paul.
6 Turn ye not away from the truth in which you are reborn, for the YAL will not hold him guiltless who forsaketh the truth, but shall reward he who maketh the truth known to all men, both statist and anarchist.
7 And remember, love others as you would love yourselves.  Love each other as you would love thy YAL who delivereth you from the shackles of intellectual darkness.
8 And after Rebekah proclaimeth the five commandments which were sent forth throughout the earth, the people marveled at the revelation delivered unto them by the one true YAL.
9 And the young Americans and all the host of libertarians did abide by the five commandments of the YAL, all except for one Adam called Kokesh, son of Conspiratarian.  Adam did hear the proclamation and waxed sore, saying
10 Nay!  Rebekah of Florida tarryeth with Jack Hunter, who tarryeth with Rand son of Ron, who sold his father to the RNC for thirty pieces of Federal Reserve silver.
11 (Adam knew not of the hidden arrangements between Rand son of Ron and the YAL, for the YAL was with both Ron and Rand and not with Adam).  And Adam said: Clearly only vicious ad hominem attacks will awaken people to our ideas and bring forth our victory in revolution.
12 And so the Conspiratarians did attack, and Adam saw that they were vicious.  And the battle cry of Adam was with them always,
13 And the sheeple waxed sore against the multitudes until social media was no longer fun, and so they did surrender themselves unto these teachings forever and ever.
14 And while no liberty candidate was ever elected ruler and judge over the people, Ron Paul never lost an online poll again.  Amen.

Wow!  What a revelation!

If you haven’t figured it out yet, this was pure libertarian-conservative comedy and in no way an actual violation of Revelation 22:18-19.  If you think it was, you’re probably a neocon, most likely voted for Rick Santorum, and at one point probably thought Donald Trump would have made a good presidential candidate.  Please come to grips with the shocking fact that your sh*t actually does stink and then learn to take a joke.

If you’re mad that this rant made fun of Adam Kokesh and conspiratarians, you’re probably Adam Kokesh, a conspiratarian, or both.  Please see the advice I gave to the neocons.

“Why all the audacious rants?” you might as.  Simply put, I once planned to run for office.  Unfortunately my district was ridiculously gerrymandered to the point that the new lines gerrymurdererd my chances of ever being elected.  At this point, I may as well be blatantly honest while I educate others and entertain myself in the process.

You might now be inclined to ask the follow-up question, “How the hell was this rant educational?!”  Elementary, my dear hater: it was a preparatory exercise.  If you were able to read and comprehend the archaic English, you might be ready to begin reading Human Action.  Enjoy the inevitable reshaping of your worldview, and you’re welcome.

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Photo is of a page from Textus Vaticanus B. It's in the public domain and was obtained via Wikimedia Commons.  You wanna know what's amazing?  I haven't watched the Big Bang Theory in almost a month.  I'm also still stuck on an army base in the boondocks.  Both of these are a bad combination for an eccentric writer in the middle of a quarter-life crisis...

They're coming to take me away, hee hee!  They're coming to take me away, ha ha!

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